...inspired by a bad day,

a girl on msn asked me

"what have you been up to today?"...

 

 

I woke up

in a bad-ass twisted mood,

picked up my pad,

wrote some shit that’s rude,

crude,

misconstrued,

lewd; it’s how I brood.

Get my shit down on paper

to express my mood.

 

Chewed,

I pick some gum outta the bin,

flicked it a bit

‘n popped it in.

Pissed in the sink in the kitchen,

itching my balls as my mum walked in,

bitching,

‘cos my sister’s on weed again,

speed again,

with a friend,

smoking the herbal blend.

It’s the trend

to descend

‘n hard to bend,

hard to mend,

when the youth transcend.

 

 

I caught her

watching porn;

a black bloke,

big dick

‘n shorn mowed lawn.

Choking a chick till she’s drawn n’ torn.

Blasting out KoRn first thing at dawn.

 

Fed up with this shit -

this shit ain’t on -

what’s she’s doing is wrong.

She’s been exposed too long

to the visual image

of this black guy’s shlong.

 

With my mate fast asleep

snoring out in the hut,

glued his nose shut,

lips closed

‘n stuck a pin in his butt.

He woke up

glue-eyed,

all abrupt,

fucked,

‘n tried to say something

that came out all corrupt.

 

 On the train that day

got my man sack drained,

by this chick at the back

who was too black to mack

‘n sold drugs

for these guys who were hardcore thugs,

forcing her to mug

‘n give hugs

‘n tugs.

 

So I bought some all the same

made her grind my K

‘n got some head in the process,

while I sniffed away.

It’s the only way;

the best way to play -

sniff a line of sniff

to kick start the day.

 

It’s how I deal with shit,

just get back on the horse

with the force of a Porsche.

Tugging a plane off course

morse,

couldn’t work out this pig latin morse.

Hidden retorts

in my written reports.

A diary of deviant

middle class

criminal sports.

 

I should just write shit out

instead of stamp ‘n pout,

talk it out,

scream ‘n shout,

or grab a sock,

some lube

‘n just wank it out.

 

He phoned,

but I hung up on my mate Mitch

‘cos I was buzzed off my tits.

Accosting a boy in the street

‘n flashing him my bits.

Itched,

twitched,

put on a high pitch

‘n apologize to the lad

 for coming across schiz.

 

Pierce my nuts myself

against a wooden shelf

‘n lean back

 ‘til they’re stretched out

away from myself,

then,

in the ski sit position,

I achieve my mission

and perform my own home cone circumcision.

Then prepare to jizzum

with blurred ‘n hazy vision.

Clench, shudder ‘n release

with the utmost precision.

 

Yeah,

I come in my face,

 I even use the stuff as tooth paste,

on a regular base -

don’t make that face,

you’re the disgrace.

It’s my spunk,

my come

‘n I like the taste.

 

I made it myself

I know where I’ve been,

If you swab for it,

 you’ll find come in the canteen.

It’s protein.

A little green,

but I’m clean -

you’re clean,

the difference being

I’m just plain obscene.

 

That why I shit in your sink.

I’m on the brink of the clink

solely for how I think

‘n partly the drink,

but lets get back to the drugs on the public rail link.

 

With my dick in her mouth,

I look up ‘n see

five police officers leering over me,

glaring at me,

disconcertingly,

like I shouldn’t be

doing what they can see.

 

I’m like,

what the fuck have I done wrong?

It’s not a pipe bomb, Officer,

it’s a bong.

Here, try some,

it’s strong.

It keeps your eyes clear

‘n don’t pong

so no one knows what you’re on

‘n it don’t last that long.

But I got arrested,

handcuffed before the day was gone

‘n smoky tokes had to come along ‘n finish this song.